I'll be real, it's been a sad last couple of weeks. Being broken up with -I'd rather have been shot it a drive by- of course is never easy, at least for me. I've been trying not to blame myself which, maybe I should. I can't help but think, "was I not loving enough, was I not gentle enough"? "What did I do wrong"?
Maybe I should have been more of a leader. Maybe be I should have given more time to prayer together. Prayer, the one thing I know I could have done more of. I hate hindsight sometimes. It is aways 20/20, or so they say, and always seems to have on undeniable, "I told you so" with it. I almost want to say it's prayer that got me into this mess and it's prayer that's getting me out. I feel this way because I prayed something along the lines of, "If it's not your will God then end it in away so neither of us can stop it. By "neither of us" I basically mean me.
I keep going back the verse in Jeremiah 29:11 that talks about God having a plan for us, one of good and not evil, of a hope and a future. The voice inside me keeps saying, "That's awesome God has this great big awesome plan for us." Then I guess this little dude has a friend and he says, "Yeah, but what if I'm not to sure I like the way the plan is going right now"? I remind myself frequently that this is God's plan and God is big, no, God is REALLY BIG and I guess it's ok if I don't understand His plan because He is a REALLY BIG God and I'm just a really small boy. God knows I'm a really small boy who's really scared right now and He understands why everything has to happen the way it does.
