I'll be real, it's been a sad last couple of weeks. Being broken up with -I'd rather have been shot it a drive by- of course is never easy, at least for me. I've been trying not to blame myself which, maybe I should. I can't help but think, "was I not loving enough, was I not gentle enough"? "What did I do wrong"?
Maybe I should have been more of a leader. Maybe be I should have given more time to prayer together. Prayer, the one thing I know I could have done more of. I hate hindsight sometimes. It is aways 20/20, or so they say, and always seems to have on undeniable, "I told you so" with it. I almost want to say it's prayer that got me into this mess and it's prayer that's getting me out. I feel this way because I prayed something along the lines of, "If it's not your will God then end it in away so neither of us can stop it. By "neither of us" I basically mean me.
I keep going back the verse in Jeremiah 29:11 that talks about God having a plan for us, one of good and not evil, of a hope and a future. The voice inside me keeps saying, "That's awesome God has this great big awesome plan for us." Then I guess this little dude has a friend and he says, "Yeah, but what if I'm not to sure I like the way the plan is going right now"? I remind myself frequently that this is God's plan and God is big, no, God is REALLY BIG and I guess it's ok if I don't understand His plan because He is a REALLY BIG God and I'm just a really small boy. God knows I'm a really small boy who's really scared right now and He understands why everything has to happen the way it does.
Cort, just wanted to let you know I am praying for you. I was reminded of a song this morning in our VBS program that said, "Sometimes God answers "yes" when I pray, Sometimes God answers "wait" when I pray, Sometimes God answers "no" just because He loves me so, but I know that He answers when I pray" Its such a small message, but a firm one. Remember He is listening and He isn't surprised in the least bit. He'll bring you through whatever you face, there's not a problem to big or a mountain so high, that He cannot go with you and walk by your side! He's there! The great Big God is with little you (and me) He'll never leave you or forsake you. I know you know this, you've heard it from me already. lol Praying and hang in there
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